The Power of Saying: “I Don’t Know”
We have made certainty a cult.
Every meeting.
Every debate.
Every viral post.
Everyone scrambling to be the first to speak, the loudest voice in the room, the one with the answer, even when they have no idea what they are talking about. No one has a reliable answer or solution.
You won’t hear it in leadership seminars, via LinkedIn thought pieces, and certainly not mainstream media.
The most powerful words in your professional and personal life are these:
“I don’t know.”
It is not weakness. It is honesty. In a world drowning in half-baked takes, quarter-baked takes, frankly, and manufactured authority, honesty is rare and radical.
The Myth of the All-Knowing Leader
We have been conditioned to believe that people in positions in authority must have all the answers. That position of authority can be your supervisor, someone in government, a person on TV or radio, or anyone who has the power to be heard over others. Today, society wants you to believe admitting uncertainty makes you less credible. That pausing to think is dangerous.
Shut up.
This is how bad decisions get made. How toxic workplaces form. How cultures of fear take root. When people with power pretend to know everything, no one else is allowed to admit when they don’t.
I have sat in rooms where people faked confidence instead of admitting confusion. Where people would have jumped out the window rather than ask me what I thought. I have investigated cases where someone’s refusal to say “I don’t know” cost a company millions, and in some cases, cost people their safety and dignity.
Certainty can be comforting, but it can also be a lie.
Intellectual Humility Is a Skill, Not a Flaw
Saying “I don’t know” is not the end of the conversation. It is the beginning.
It invites dialogue. I love a question! It invites learning. It invites better solutions than the ones your ego alone could have found.
“I don’t know” opens a door that arrogance slams shut.
The best humans I have worked with are the ones who admit they don’t know, and even better want to know what I know. I love:
“Let’s find out.”
“What do you think?”
These humans are the ones who surround themselves with people who know things they don’t, and feel comfortable not being the supreme dictator. They listen when the less powerful voices speak. They are not afraid to ask questions, not in a challenging way, but in a curious way. Failing is encouraged, not penalized. They are not afraid to be learners. I love a learner I lust after learners, really. Are you are learner? I’ll follow you anywhere.
Life is not about having all the answers. It is about creating the space where better answers emerge.
What This Means for the Rest of Us
You do not have to be a CEO or a manager to practice this. You can say it in your friendships, your family, your activism, your life. Hell say it on BlueSky. My approach there is to ask a question. I did the other day, and it was treated as an attack. Stop that shit, Will you?
When someone asks you about something you do not understand, resist the urge to Google, or ChatGPT, while you are talking.
Say, “I don’t know.” Let the silence hang.
When your child asks a question that stumps you, let them see you pause. Let them see that not knowing is normal.
When the news breaks and everyone is rushing to have a take, it is okay to wait. There’s a guy on MSNBC, a former ATF agent. He is on TV every time there is a shooting. I promise you, I can do his schtick better than he can now. He never knows anything. He says the same filler every time. Can we stop with this stuff? It’s not making anyone more informed
It is okay to say, “I need time to learn more.” You don’t need to have dead air. Ask a question. Learn to pivot to what you do know. If what you do know is what we all know, maybe change the topic?
All this bullshit blathering opinion kaka got us here.
For fuck’s sake, humility is normal and healthy.
Feed Your Soul Recipe: Sweet Corn and Basil Summer Risotto
If you want to learn to slow down, make risotto. It cannot be rushed. Crack open the wine, drink a glass, and think.
Ingredients:
1 cup Arborio rice
4 cups chicken or vegetable broth (warmed)
2 ears fresh corn (kernels removed)
(Best if procured from the Farmer’s Market or a side road stand)
1 small yellow onion (finely chopped)
2 cloves garlic (minced) (or whatever your heart tells you)
1/2 cup dry white wine (optional, I like a Sauvignon Blanc, but use what you have).
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese or Asiago Cheese (or nutritional yeast for vegan option)
2 tablespoons olive oil
Fresh basil leaves (chopped)
Salt and pepper to taste
Instructions:
1. Heat olive oil in a large pan. Sauté onion and garlic until soft.
2. Stir in Arborio rice and toast for 1 to 2 minutes.
3. Pour in white wine (if using) and cook until mostly absorbed.
4. Add broth 1/2 cup at a time, stirring gently, letting the liquid absorb before adding more.
5. After about 10 minutes, stir in the corn kernels. Continue adding broth until rice is creamy and tender (about 20 to 25 minutes total).
6. Remove from heat. Stir in Parmesan, fresh basil, salt, and pepper.
7. Serve warm with extra basil on top.
Slow, steady, and satisfying. Just like learning.
The next time you feel the pressure to have all the answers, pause.
Don’t let silence rush you.
If it’s uncomfortable, let it be uncomfortable.
Breathe.
Say, “I don’t know.”
Let something better begin.
With gratitude,
Dr. Tracy A. Pearson, J.D. is a legal, political and cultural analyst, writer, host, and and researcher, who appears weekly as a Contributor on the SiriusXM network, SiriusXM Progress Channel 127, on John Fugelsang’s Tell Me Everything.
She is an expert in implicit bias, investigations, corruption, abuse of power, and law, and she appears on various networks explaining complex issues in simple ways. You have seen her on NewsNation, Cheddar News, Fox5DC, NOWLIVE from Fox, KNX LA, Los Angeles’ longest operating talk radio station, and other ABC, NBC and CBS stations.
Dr. Pearson is currently writing a book based on the first study on implicit bias in workplace investigations and which is cited in the California Labor and Employment Law Review and Capital & Class (Sage Journals)
She is the host and Executive Produce of the podcast What We Don’t Know with Dr. Tracy available on Apple Podcasts, Patreon, and with free samples anywhere you find your favorite podcast.
Follow her @TracyExplains on BlueSky, Instagram, TikTok, LinkedIn, and more. She is proudly no longer a Twitter/X user.
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